Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy

This is for me more than anyone. I've felt really complainey lately about Dean and I don't like feeling that way. We are so very blessed to have a healthy little boy. We have so many friends who are struggling with infertility and we know we are more than blessed to have our sweet little Dean.

That being said, I just need to get this stuff off of my chest and then I think I'll feel a lot better and be able to move on. I have been really bad about journaling, so this is in some ways a family journal that I'd like to be honest with how I'm feeling. Please don't think I'm about to commit myself to the State Hospital. I'm just putting my feelings out there. I really hate reading people's blogs because they only put their "best" self out there and I feel like it's important to be honest and not sugar-coat my life and only write about how wonderful life is.

Dean is still struggling with reflux. I feel like every day I am changing his outfit at least twice. He's on his third outfit already for today. I am often covered in spit-up. I often change my clothes 2-3 times per day as well. I am so frustrated that we are now on our third of the three medication options, and I don't really think this one is any different than the other two. I am sick of getting solid food spit-up on me. Really, it's vomit. Not spit-up. There's a good reason why Dean is only in the 8th % for weight and it is due to his spit-up.

He is still not sleeping well at night. Just when I think I have things figured out how to calm him down without doing much more than putting a binki in his mouth and telling him I love him, things change. He is not sleeping well during the day. He will nap, but for no more than 45 minutes to an hour at a time. If I'm really lucky I'll get 2 hours, which is rare. I don't feel like I can get anything done in 45 minute chunks of my day. :(

I still keep getting advice from random old people at church telling me what they did that helped their kids 35-45 years ago and it is super frustrating. Thank you for caring, but this is not helpful.

With all of that complaining being said, Dean is such a sweet little guy. He is very, very active and rolling around allllll the time. He is often content to just play on his own without my entertaining him, which I know is awesome and great for a baby. He is a good eater. Thankfully we don't have to add this to the list. He will eat anything I put in front of him, as long as it's pureed. I had John try to feed him some little torn pieces of fluffy white bread and it was really funny. He hated the texture, yet insisted on putting more of it in his mouth. He is learning how to be a "big boy" and is doing great. He loves baby pears and bananas. He cries because I can't get things into his mouth fast enough. He is always hungry, or at least will always eat, so it's hard to judge when I've given him enough. When he is over-fed that seems to be a major trigger for his reflux, yet he is so skinny (just broke 16 lbs) that we're worried about him gaining enough weight. He is such a sweetheart and we feel so very blessed that he would come join our family. I know that all of this will pass and then we'll be on to new troubles, but it does feel better to at least think through my thoughts enough to write it out. Oh "blog therapy". At least it's free.