4 months

Well, we did it!! We all survived for 1/3 of a year!!!! It's probably sad how great John and I feel about that, but we're trying to be better at celebrating the small things. Here are some things we've learned to do in the last 4 months:

-Eat while holding a baby
-Sleep while holding a baby
-Change diapers on a squirmy or screaming or giggling or smiling baby during the day or night
-Survive on minimal sleep
-Love our sweet, previous and insistent baby
-Smile even when we feel like crying
-Roll over (Dean)
-Play with toys (Dean)
-Cut teeth (Dean)
-Love each other more than ever

We are so grateful to be parents. It is the hardest thing we have ever done, but there is no greater feeling than when your little baby recognizes your face and smiles at you with a face so full of love. It's hard, but worth it for moments like those.

Gratitude

Some of you might be thinking this post should have been done in November, but I am doing it now because I feel so much gratitude for so many things. Last night as I was up with Dean (who is TEETHING, by the way, that's why he's been so hard), I was reading on a friend's blog. She does a "favorite things" series during December and I was so overwhelmed by the story of someone she was featuring. The guest blogger and her husband have dug themselves out of $125,000 worth of debt! WHAT!!... I cannot even fathom that much debt, but I know it happens and is much more common than I might realize. (If you'd like to read her story, here's the link: http://thriftydecorchick.blogspot.com/2010/08/live-like-no-one-else.html).

As a teenager when I had a job, my parents had a rule that my sisters and I had to put half of everything we made into our savings account, and then we were free to spend the other half on whatever we wanted. I hated this rule, but it was among one of the best things my parents have ever taught me. I learned the importance of saving and that when you don't have any more cash, you had to do chores or wait until your next paycheck to get it (these were the days before debit cards were everywhere). As I read this woman's story, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my parents and their instillation of sound financial principles as well as the Prophets for teaching us to avoid unnecessary debt. Life is hard enough, and it is so much better not having credit card or student loan debt hanging over our heads. I understand when student loans are absolutely necessary, but I am so grateful for John who works so hard to work full-time and go to school at night so we can avoid student loans. He only has 35.5 more credits to go and we hope and pray every day that we will be able to maintain his full-time job so we can remain debt free. There really is so much to be grateful for, but last night this was one thing that came to me that I thought I should share.

We are also grateful for our little Dean. I finally took him into the doctor on Wednesday because he was acting almost like he had an ear infection. The doctor was floored when he looked into Dean's mouth and saw that he is working on his two bottom front teeth. He's only 3.5 months old, so I never would have guessed that teething would be the reason he has been so difficult. As G.I. Joe taught us, knowledge is half the battle. And now we know and can keep him medicated with Tylenol to help him stay comfortable and to help us stay more comfortable as well.

We hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and are filled with gratitude for our Savior, Jesus Christ, and his miraculous birth and life. It has been especially wonderful this year since we have now experienced childbirth and raising a baby.

Thoughts on Motherhood

First off, let me preface that this post is for me mire than anything. I have not journaled since Dean was born and I want to remember the good and the hard times. John and I are so thankful for our sweet little boy. Just because we know deep down inside that Dean is sweet doesn't mean that he always is.

Since he was born, I think we have maybe had 2-3 weeks where we haven't spent most of the day and night wrestling him. He was a great sleeper who only woke up once around 4am for about 2 weeks. He was so cute during the day and actually let me put him down and slept in his crib for naps for the same 2 weeks.

For the past 3-4 weeks, I feel like we have digressed back to newborn Dean. I literally spend almost every waking moment holding him or he will just cry. And even when I do hold him, often he will just cry and refuse to sleep even though he is exhausted.

Last night, as I was up with Dean 3 times within about 5 hours, I started to wonder why we have such a difficult baby. I don't know the answer, but I pray we are "serving our time," and IF we have any more kids, they will be perfect angels. We both spend a lot of our time thinking of ways to keep Dean happy and comfortable, but I am starting to realize that we all have agency, even little baby Dean. Maybe this earth is just such a shock from where he came from that he can't help but cry when he realizes he's not there any more.

I know things will get better, but please don't tell me how happy my baby seems when you see him on a particularly happy moment because nobody really understands what John and I go through daily with this one. I just want to hear "i am so sorry", not a list of things that have worked for you and your baby. We are grateful for everyone's love and support, but sometimes we just need to hear that we are loved, not ways to solve our problems. As I said initially, this is not me wanting a pity party, just me hoping to express how this phase if life is so that I can remember how to help others in the future.

First family picture

New Trick

Dean has recently and finally figured out how to suck on his hands. It's lead to some pretty awesome moments like the following. Yes, those are wiener dogs on his outfit, and yes, I do think wiener dogs are adorable. Please don't take that as a hint to get me one. I cannot handle a dog and a baby.

Holidays

I am trying to make a better effort at blogging. I'm glad/sad that the only people noticing are John's sisters who live within 10 minutes of our house, but I guess it should be more of a record for us anyway. Our thanksgiving was great. We are so blessed to live close to family. We had a lovely week visiting with John's sister Christine and her family who visited from Seattle. We spent a lot of time with John's parents, sister Marja and her family, as well as my sister Laura. Our pies were fantastic. Somehow we only ended up with parts of 2 pies and no thanksgiving leftovers, but the pies were indeed delicious.

As has become tradition for John and I, we went shopping on black Friday. Before you forget that I love sleeping more than anything but my two boys, we did not go out at midnight. You see, there are still great sales happening at 10, 11, or even noon. This is our tradition. I didn't think we would go this year (due to our sweet, but very demanding Dean), but John's sisters wanted to hit a few stores. We were geared up to battle Dean and his hatred of the car seat, but our brother-in-law graciously volunteered to watch Dean. We had such a good time at the Bosch store that we bought a new blender that comes with a 5 year warranty. We burn through them about every 6 months.

Unfortunately, Dean got so thrown off his routine last week and got sick that this week has been very hard on me. But on a positive note, he is growing so fast and learning so much. I love watching him learn. He is now proficient in getting his hands in his mouth and smiling at us when we walk into the room or talk to him. He is very close to laughing and we can't wait to hear it. I don't care what any other mothers say, my little boy is the cutest baby ever. See...

Turkey Day ... or should I Say Pie Day?

Thanksgiving is a big, huge, wonderful, delicious deal for John's family. I love my family and our holiday traditions, but Thanksgiving was one holiday that blew my mind once I became a Van Orman. Here's the reason why: PIE!! They love pie, and we're not just talking the traditional pumpkin and pecan, although those have their time and place and I do love them. We usually have pumpkin, pecan, hershey's chocolate pie, lemon chiffon, cherry (or some berry), apple, sometimes key lime, sometimes banana cream, etc. And we're not just talking one pie of each kind, we're talking several. We all get together the day before Thanksgiving and have our pie "orders" with us along with the ingredients to make whichever pies we want. We figure out how many pies of each kind we need to make and then go through them by type until we've made them all. Luckily John's sister has 2 ovens to facilitate the deliciousness. I do believe last year John and I had 7 pies... in our defense, we did go up to my Aunt & Uncle's house for Thanksgiving day, and then had Thanksgiving with the VOs on Friday. Who knows how many we'll make this year, but considering I would like to lose my excess pregnancy weight, hopefully we don't go nutso this year with our pies.

Until Thursday, I'll be dreaming of pies and deviled eggs. What holiday would be complete without deviled eggs? or pie......